I Am A Horror

I'm listening to the horrors. They are pretty awesome. I think my favourite song is Sheena is a Parasite... make me want to get up and dance. I can tell... they would go off live!!

And look... they are pretty hot too. Not that I judge what music I like on that... but it is an added bonus lol

And I love the arrangement of that shoot. I have a thing for umbrellas I think. There is one on the background I made for my computer. I might try and print this picture up, or find it as a poster.. need more stuff for my walls.
I have some big posters but they keep falling down, the little ones seem to stick better.

I think I might start a picture-wall-collection.

There is a nice gap above my tv... hrmm... yes
I can see it now [ ]

Argh i don't know what i'm doing here! I'm just procastinating! I need to get back to work!

The more I Let myself think about it, the more I want to go home... so I really really need to get this assignment done.
500 words down, 2500 to go :(


I will finish
I will not get distracted
I will then, AFTER finishing, source some cool pictures
I will not act my age


(lets escape to never never land?)

Blankity Blank

argh! I nearly didn't post today cause I've been busy and couldn't be bothered. I was meant to do the iron man review to... but i think that may have already been done to death in the blogging universe. It was awesome! That about sums it up.
Go see it.
I'm considoring going home for the weekend... i know i have a heap of work and probably shouldn't... but going home means getting washing done for me, and having food provided, and going shopping, and catching up with people.
Sooo, If i get my history finished (well, at least 2000 words) by friday arvo, I'll let myself go home. Cause I know I wont get anything done at home. But i'll doubt I'll get that much done, I'm defiantely a last minute sort of person.

*sigh* going home could also mean going to spotlight and having access to a glue gun and geting a start on some creative things... hrmm

Went to triva tonight. It was good.

I will think up a costume for pub crawl.
I will save money.
I will get this assignment done
I will remember to be hopeful!
I will not give up.

(do i have your support?)

Life Is Better With You

Listening to: Eskimo Joe, A Song is A City
Reading: The Sound and The Fury (well finshed now!)
Watching: Nothing! Tv is off
Waiting for: lunch, movies, photos, formal dinner

Just had american Lit tutorial... was the only one that turned up for the damn thing out of the whole class! True there are only 6 people in the class... but you think at least one someone else might turn up. So we had 'one on one' discussion, and she wanted to talk to me about my lit assignment i haven't started. It didn't go to bad though. I compared Sound and the Fury to Macbeth... cause Macbeth is awesome.

Love All that order/disorder stuff.

I have this idea for a Macbeth themed tote bag, i'll think i'll make up a design and add it on my Cafepress store... I might make up an actual one if i can get some supplies.

I'm feeling very creative/crafty. I want to make things. And I have a heap of ideas.

I'm banning myself from spotlight though till I get through all these assignments. Grr. I would really like uni if it wasn't for the 'marks' side. I just want to learn and add to my own knowledge. I don't want to be graded on it. It's not like I'm going to write literary essays for a carrer.

I think I might be a more business orientated person... I didn't want to do a business orientated course though cause I found business studies boring. Excpet the marketing and business plan bits.

Oh I'm A Walking Contradiction.

Yay seeing Iron Man Today... will review later.

I will have a healthy lunch [even though my turkish bread is newly moldy :( ]
I will go to the movies
I will start my history
I will start my american lit
I will avoid the temptation of spotlight


(I like making starts)

I've Got The Poems Again

Just had creative writing so feeling very... creative

I look out my window and...

Response To Unknown Man
Why do you amber so,
Along the grass,
Staggering amoung the stalks?

A path is clearly
Set
In concrete
Waiting for your gentlemanly shoes.

Briefcase In Hand
Vision Of Order
Yet,
You
Dismiss
It
All.
~

I will finish The Sound and The Fury by tomorrow
I will start my history assignement
I will see ironman tomorrow
I will not read plot spoilers on the internet (much)


(comment me?)

PostSecret Sunday

Really... should be everyone's favourite day of the week.
For anyone who hasn't discovered it yet:
http://postsecret.blogspot.com/

New secrets posted every Sunday! So while I'm eagerly awaiting the next installment...
I actually first found out about Postsecret in a Newspaper feature article thing, that was in the sunday lift out. It was a short article telling a bit about the history, but most of the article was just of the postcards themselves. And really they told the story better then simply words ever could. They were funny, insightful, sad, scary. Everything PostSecret is.
I think what makes Postsecret really work, for me anyway, is the relate-ability. I want things I can relate to. I do the same with music. Knowing that someone else feels the same way you do, has had a similar experience or shares your fears, makes you feel a little less alone. As much as every individual wants to be unique, i think we fear being the only one 'like us' even more.

We all just want to feel understood.

And when reading them, you want the writers not to feel so alone too. So many times I read a secret and I just want to tell the author "me too." Or that it will all be ok. It will all work out for the best. I want to comfort them.

But I just hope they feel the force of love and understanding sent there way from the post secret community, even though they might never get to hear such words spoken to them.

I've never sent any secrets in. Not Yet. I've thought about it, i did make one up. But I just don't think I was quite ready to let go. I think I'm getting close though. When I finally send one, that will be the last step for me in 'letting go'. I'll give up the ghost. And I'll be ok with it.
Just not yet.
I've also been writing some in the back section of my note book, just little lines, pieces of pain. I'm scared someone might pick it up and flick through it. Yet I keep writing.

Ocassionally there would be one post secret that would really touch me some how, so the memory would stay with me. One I remember was one with a simple colour pencil drawn picture of a road, and the words said something like "The road ahead would be so much easier if i was straight". It made me want to cry. I just want to give them a hug. I noticed the stamps were Australian. I wish... really really wished, that I kept a copy of that secret. I want to stick it up somewhere. I want people to feel their pain, of someone feeling they had no such choice and that their path was set, and that they would be unhappy no matter what they did. I create my own stories. I hope they are ok.

Anyway, here are a couple of postsecrets I have saved:

check it out

I will finish reading the sound and the fury

I will watch Juno again

I will start my history assignment

I will learn to let go

I will read the new post secrets

(join with me?)

I'm Coming Out Of My Cage

ouch my feet hurt

i kept with all planned for yesterday. Then i decided I also need to be more social. I think I'm just anti-social by nature. I prefer my own company most of the time. Its not that I don't have friends... i just find i get easily annoyed lol
Probably with good reason.
I'm just not a people person.
But anyway I went to happy hour... had a few drinks but no plans to go into town later. Then i get asked "want to go to out later?" and i say yes even though i didnt want to... i struggle with no. And my mouth and brain seem to enjoy being separate and doing there own thing.
So came back to college.. ate.. got ready... went to someone's house where we were meant to drink before going out...
and i dont care what ANYONE says, straight midori is gross! LIke drinking straight cordial but grosser. Never again.
Then went out.
Twas a busy night, it was race day so alot of druken people though.
I was a bit bored at first, then the band started and we were all dancing so then it was ok. I really liked the band.. alot of modern rock.. was good.. play Mr.brightside.. one of my favourite songs ever. And also Franz Ferdinand's take me out. Always an apropirate "out on the town song"
Its wierd going to pubs and listening to bands, when at home its always night clubs. Dance Music. But I like that to. But I don't know... I think i'm kinda over the dance music seen. Or maybe just the people at those places. I like bands. I like giants. Damn i want to see Kimya Dawson so bad. Stupid exam on the last day of term.
I still like alot of dance music.. The presets, pnau, cut and copy, daft punk. Hrmm... maybe the reason for just liking it in general isn't there anymore? Maybe I have moved on.
Anyway. There was dancing. It was good. Except the number of sleezy drunk guys. Eww. I just freeze when anyone times to "come on to me". I'm not a physical affection person. I'm not someone people usually greet with a hug. I want to be though. Well with some people.
One guy actually asked me "will you dance with me?" which was different and nice compared to just the general puting an arm around you and hauling you in. But i feel guilty cause i missheard him and thought he said "can I get past" or something. It was a pretty crowded area of the dance floor. So i Kinda just moved to the side which he saw as rejection. Awkward. I'm such an awkward person. Is that even how you spell it? It looks awkward.
I think he was too old for me anyway. Note: I tend to thik of anyone older than about 22 too old for me. I'm weird like that. Except for Gerard Way. I don't care if he's 30 and married. He's still perfect. Although i'd probably freeze if he tried to hug me to.

I left the dancefloor to say hello to another friend I had been told had arrived. I talked to them for 5mins then decided i was hungry and wanted to go home. I went back to find the other friends I had been with all night and had arranged to get a lift back with, to find they had left with out me. Grr.
I found someone else that wanted to go and then us and my other friend got food and waited for ages at the taxi rank. Eventually geting in a maxi cab back to the uni. Which was ok cause it worked out cheaper considoring i wasn't meant to be spending any money at all.

Hrmm... I might be going to some metal gig tonight. I'll wear my Hellogoodbye shirt :P
Is there any difference between asking someone to come with you to something and asking someone to go with you?

At least I managed to go through the whole of last night without texting HIM.. i'm determined to get over it.

I will be honest
I will not lead people on
I will read the Sound and the Fury
I will have fun
I will blog
I will start my history assignment
i will plot


(dance with me?)

Day 1

I've decided I have to change.
I had breakfast then cleaned out my cupboard. THings are so much easier to examine when clean and organised. Now I know what foods i have and what I need.
I made a shopping list of all the things i want to get at the supermarket. I left all the junk off, i want to be healthy.
Hopefully being healthy will be cheaper to.
I don't know what to cook for tea tonight though! I can't cook.
I've never had to cook before, my parents always did it.
I'm not sure how i struggled through the 1st year of uni without cooking.
But it's time to change. And diet is as good a place as any.
Yesterday i just felt the urge to eat all day, i wasn't hungry. I just felt the obsessive urge to consume. It makes me sick.

I WILL NOT become over weight.

I think i shouhd start excerising too. Gyms bore me. I might just start walking.

I walk over the hill everyday but its obviously not enough.

Next I have to get into the study. I think i'm finally ready to commit whole heartedly to it. Stop fighting it. I love learning. I'm just lazy. And i have assignments coming out my ears.

I've just been so distracted.

Now its time for FOCUS.

I will search the library catolouge.
I will make a list of books i want.
i will walk over the hill.
I will spend time researching.

I WILL get started!


(Its time i feel started)

A New Hope

I decided it's time for a fresh start.
A new begining.
I'm going to try more.
be more dedicated.

Stick With IT.

I'm going to be creative.

It's going to be EXCITING.
Its going to be different.

It will be me.

I WILL think for myself
I WILL stop obsessing
I WILL learn self control
I WILL be honest
I WILL learn not to hurt
I WILL have self expression
I WILL post regulary
I WILL start a plan
I WILL have a future



It starts now.



(come with me?)